Starlight
by Arnia Nyx
Summary: Tonks and Remus have a heart to heart discussion together about their first loves. Mention of slash, RemusSirius and RemusTonks. Oneshot. My first story too!


Disclaimer: Although I like to dream, these are all characters from the imagination of J.K. Rowling and I'm just someone who likes to play with them like dolls.

Tonks looked around the small farmhouse kitchen and let out a soft sigh. Although the light was fading outside, she couldn't bring herself to turn on the lights indoors. It had been an exceptionally hot day and the cool breeze coming in from the open doors and windows seemed so delicate and fragile, she feared that the mere presence of the dim artificial light would shatter it, calling back the unbearable heat once more.

Gently setting her mug filled with cool milk down on the old marble counters, she proceeded to wander the silent house in search of her husband Remus. Remus had developed an annoying habit of wandering away lately. He never left the grounds, but always seemed to find the most obscure and well hidden spots on the property and remain there for hours on end without so much as a word to Tonks.

She circled the outside of the old house that had once belonged to Remus' parents, hoping that by some chance Remus would notice her looking for him and appear, but no such thing happened. So she began to wander away from the house and search the surrounding trees, the small unused field, and the unusually calm looking pond. No Remus.

Still Tonks didn't worry, Remus never really left without saying something to her first. That combined with his newly found hobby of aimlessly wandering was all Tonks needed to feel assured that nothing had happened to him.

She began to walk on the very edge of the property, mentally appreciating Remus' talent for producing protective spells. It had been a long and tedious job securing their home, Tonks knew that she'd never have been able to find the patience to walk around the several acres many times concentrating on producing spells to shield them. That was also one of the reasons she loved him so much. He made up for all her faults; while she could barely walk up a flight of stairs without tripping, Remus had incredible balance… while she couldn't sit still for more than a minute, Remus always had unprecedented patience… and while she could be out of control and almost frighteningly impulsive, Remus was always a welcomed voice of reason helping keep her safe.

After searching, what Tonks felt was every last inch of the property and finding no trace of her husband, she decided to go inside and just wait for him to show up. He always came back from whatever hiding spot he'd found, she just had to wait sometimes.

However, as she approached the house she caught a glimpse of something moving above her. Her heart stopped for a moment before promptly beginning to pound against her throat. If there was a death eater above her what would she do? She'd left her wand inside.

She began to silently swear at herself for being so stupid and leaving behind her only weapon.

_Should I just make a run for it? Bolt into the house and find my wand and just hope that whoever, whatever is on my roof won't attack me before then? Maybe Remus is nearby and is already sneaking up on—_

Something clicked inside Tonks' mind.

"Remus?" she called cautiously.

Whatever was on the roof moved again, and Tonks began to go over everything she would regret not having done in her life should she die at that very moment.

_I would've never had children, never had grandkids, never known if or how the war would end, had raw tuna sushi, seen Morocco, or gotten even with Bellatrix for what she did to Sirius…_

All these upsetting thoughts came crashing to a halt as the friendly face of her husband peered over the edge of the roof. She began to feel silly for becoming so scared so easily. But then the words of Remus flooded her mind: _"Never assume it's who you think it is." _

"Remus Lupin?" she asked coolly. It seemed unlikely that any death eater would make it past their well set up defences but there was no doubt that if the magic was powerful enough, even the best walls would crumble.

"Yes I am Remus John Lupin, werewolf, former teacher of Defence Against the Dark Arts, sometimes known as Moony, you're Nymphadora Tonks my wife, you prefer Tonks but I'm the only one who can get away with calling you Nymphadora although I've begun to take pity and am now calling you Dora-"

He smiled mischievously as Tonks cut in "I get it already…"

Then he asked "And you are Dora? Correct?"

"I'm Tonks, a metamorphous and a death eater wouldn't be able to pull this off even with the best polyjuice potion in the world." Tonks then proceeded to turn her hair from a shade of pale blue to a vivid shade of the brightest pink she could manage.

Remus just smiled and said "Of course it's you."

He then pulled out his wand and pointed it at the ivy crawling up the side of the stone walls. The ivy uprooted itself, moved away from the wall and began to form a set of stairs. Tonks looked at it suspiciously before reminding herself that Remus was excellent with creative spells like that and would never let her get hurt. Still, her clumsiness taken into account, she mostly crawled up the steps, certain to keep her hands on the stairs as well and her feet and knees.

She'd never been on the roof before, not this roof anyways. And she was astounded by the view. You could see for miles, which was surprising to her considering they were only a few feet higher than the ground and none of surrounding scenery ever seemed quite so magnificent before. There were fields and forest that stretched further and further into the distance until eventually it dropped off in a very faint dark blue haze that she knew was the ocean.

Remus, seeing she had made it up safely, had returned to the place he had been resting before. With both hands resting under his head and his back comfortably pressed against the slanted tiles of the roof, he was staring dreamily up at the stars. Tonks subconsciously noted he was safely facing away from the waxing moon.

Though the sun had only set a few minutes ago, already some of the brighter stars were making their appearance in the sky. Tonks, still not completely trusting herself on the slightly slanted surface, slowly inched her way over to where Remus was lying before gradually lowering herself to his level and following his gaze, staring at one particularly bright star.

"It's beautiful out…" Tonks just barely managed to whisper. The quiet of the night seemed to be so heavy she felt for certain that her voice would be unwelcome; however she wanted nothing more than to hear Remus speak again.

"Hmmm…" Remus' gentle sigh was practically music to Tonks' ears.

"Romantic..." Tonks breathed. She had said it so quietly she wasn't sure she'd said it at all, or whether or not Remus had heard her but after a moment's pause he spoke his eyes never leaving the stars.

"Who was your first love Dora?"

Tonks wasn't sure if it was a trick question or not so she said "You?" hoping it was the answer he was looking for.

Remus just laughed to himself before asking "No really, who?"

Tonks took a deep breath and exhaled melodramatically, thinking back over all her relationships: boyfriends, crushes, and friends.

"I think it was Charlie Weasley, but I'm pretty sure I was madly in love with several lead singers of what now seem like ridiculous bands before him." Remus laughed again, and despite being completely connected to each other now by marriage, she still felt her stomach squirm at this. "Who was yours?"

Tonks watched her husband carefully and couldn't help but notice something dark pass over his features. A moment later however, he was staring up at the stars with the same quiet hint of a smile playing upon his face. "Remus?"

"It doesn't matter…" he offered as an answer. Of course, Tonks felt cheated out of a reward, she'd told him and expected him to tell her.

"It does so matter; you can't just make me reveal my past without sharing anything from yours. Now who was it?"

"Are you sure you want to know?" This reply surprised Tonks, who was it? Was it someone forbidden like Lily Potter? Or was it someone too horrible for him to want to admit to, like her cousin Bellatrix. At this thought, Tonks made an involuntary face while simultaneously turning her hair a sea-sick green and gagging.

"What was that?"

"Oh I mean, yeah. I want to know." If it was someone as horrible as Bellatrix she would no doubt wish she hadn't asked, but not knowing for certain would cause her to die of curiosity.

Remus took a deep breath and said barely above a whisper "Sirius…" his eyes never leaving the stars, as if he were unable to meet Tonks gaze.

"What!?" That was the last person she'd expected and she sat up bolt straight staring at the man beside her with a look that could only be described as complete and utter confusion on her face. "Sirius!?"

Remus nodded wearily. "Back when I was in Hogwarts. I never dared to tell him I fancied him because lets face it, I'm already a werewolf, I didn't need to admit I was also lusting after my best friend who just happened to also be male to anyone."

Tonks just continued to stare at him in complete silence.

"I'm not—I never liked another man. Never noticed one like that before, or since. But Sirius was different. I don't know what it was, but I was crazy about him. You can imagine my surprise when one night he professed his undying love and attraction to me. Sirius, in love with _me_. Sirius, who had slept with nearly half of the girls in our year. I was happy though and relieved. We graduated and moved in together. Peter was off with work, but we now know what he was really doing- and James was with Lily and eventually Harry. Both of us were just so happy to have each other."

"But then we started fighting. The war was too much for Sirius. He couldn't handle the death and suffering…" He shut his eyes and paused for a moment before continuing, "I could hardly bare it myself, but I tried desperately not to let him notice how upset it was making me. I wanted to be strong for him."

"Apparently my silence in the face of total devastation was just kindling for his violent mood swings. He began to think I was in league with Volde-" He stopped short, opening his eyes, and Tonks knew that saying the name Voldemort had never bothered Remus, but things had changed.

"He thought I'd be the one to betray James and Lily. Our fights became more and more violent. They passed beyond mere words and turned into full-out physical fights. Barbaric stuff, really. Then one day our wands got involved and Sirius… he used the Cruiciatus curse on me," Tonks couldn't suppress a gasp, "and left. And that was the last time I saw him for 13 years… and when I found out, or was informed that he'd betrayed them, betrayed James and Lily, after all his accusations… I couldn't find it in me to care that he would rot in Azkaban for the rest of his natural life. I was so angry and hurt that I didn't think it was enough even."

Remus' voice began to break towards the end. He turned his head away from her for a moment, regaining his composure before treading on.

"When I learned the truth, part of me was eager to forgive him and be with him again once his name was cleared. But he wasn't the same Sirius I had loved. He--" a small frown developed on his face, "he just wasn't the same, and we grew further and further apart. I'd changed as well; I knew that, but none of the love and passion that once existed between us returned. None of it."

"Remus…" Tonks sighed sadly. She could see the pain etched onto his face. She wanted so much to take it away from him, to see him truly smile and laugh. But his happiness seemed short lived and rare these days.

"After Sirius was sent to Azkaban, I of course started seeing other people. I wasn't sure if it was because I really wanted to find love again, or if I just wanted to spite him… but I never found anyone I truly cared about that way again… until you that is." With that he bent down and kissed her forehead ever so gently.

"I love you." His warm breath was pleasant on her skin.

"I love you too." She whispered in reply.

But Remus had already moved his attention back to that one particularly bright star in the sky.


End file.
